


Anthropology 1011: A time travel erotica - battle of the anthropological musk

by FranzBoasStan



Category: anthropology - Fandom
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, M/M/M, May/December Relationship, Pining, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Slash, Stream of Consciousness, Threesome - M/M/M, a true yemen love story, age is just a number, m/m - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:09:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22189936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FranzBoasStan/pseuds/FranzBoasStan
Summary: Textbook writter Kottak travels back in time to get freaky with the one and only Charles Darwin. But he meets the father of anthropology, Franz Boas himself, who teaches him that true love isn't always between a man and a woman. Sometimes it's between a famous anthropologist, a middle-aged textbook connoisseur, and the grand daddy of biology. Now THAT is what anthropology is all about, baby.________________________________________My friends and I wrote this in a google doc during our intro to anthropology class out of boredom. It is utter shit. Please read it.Our professor's name has been removed for privacy and will simply be referred to as 'professor'.Note this is a work of art. YES we are college seniors and YES two of us are english students.
Relationships: Charles Darwin / Kottak, Franz Boas/Charles Darwin, Franz Boas/Charles Darwin/Kottak, Kottak / Franz Boas
Kudos: 2





	Anthropology 1011: A time travel erotica - battle of the anthropological musk

**Author's Note:**

> asbestos

It was the earlier decades... ones where religion boomed and science was seen as evil. Charles Darwin just published his book that he wasn’t the first to think of apparently. At the date of publication, sir Boas was just 1 year old. Yet with his advanced genius brain of Yemenese decent, he was able to quickly read the whole thing. And it changed his life forever. 

*time skip 20 years ahead *

The year was 2019 and Kottak was in the Kottak textbook headquarters building. He angrily huffed into his office and angrily pooped his pants. He was angry because his publishers just rejected his newest article: “Did charles darwin have a monkey penis”. Kottak was so fed up he decided he needed to travel back in time to answer the question for himself. So he sat down and shidded his pants so hard that he got transported to 1830 or whenever the right year is.   
On the time travel train a young hot sexy cool and handsome Franz boas came and sat beside Kottak and held his hand and whispered in his sweaty ear “I want you to bomb my yemen” and kottak replied “I want to deeply hang out in you” and so the two men set off to capture charles darwin and have the threesome sexcipade of a lifetime… “i wANT TO SEE YOUR WONKY DONKEY”

... 

“I like the birds and the bees,” Darwin suggested seductively and wet into his loving partner, Boaz’s ear.   
“And I like cultural appropriation and white supremacy,” he slimed back.  
Darwin muttered something about only existing to die and then lit the candle in his home. His last shower was 2 weeks ago in the river, so he was feeling particularly fresh.   
“It smells…. A bit,” Darwin admitted. Kotak shook his butt in response.  
“I am unsure of where that came from but I believe I need to make a trip to the river.”   
So out he ran to the Riviere de Loop.

...

But there was someone in the way of their budding and everlasting romance. Someone who was not capable of understanding the meaning behind Boaz and Dawrin’s passion for each other. She tried to stop their everlasting connection by any means possible. Her name… Professor. Her nonsense drove the two apart. There was only so much ethnocentrism they could take. And she was the tipping point. 

...

Later Boas and Professor were playing a game of ping pong. Suddenly Boas took the ping pong ball, ripped his pants off, and shoved the ball up his ass.   
“Hey!” exclaimed Professor “don’t do that, its ethnocentric because they do that in Yemen sometimes”  
“Ugh fine” whined Boas. “I guess ill just go find darwin and have him fish it out. Ha, FISH it out! No pun intended. Hashtag tiktalik”  
“Ok, have fun discovering your inner fish” She said as she bid him farewell.

...

An hour later Boas was walking by the river where he saw darwin bathing.   
“Hey bitch” said Boas.  
“Oh” said Darwin “ what’s up you fat little slutty pig?”  
“Not much. I just finished being racist toward some Yemense children. But um…” Boas gently shook his ass in nervous antici……………...pation. “Would you be up for a … rectal exam?”  
Darwin’s eyes lit up. “Bend over, bitch” he ordered. So Boas swiftly removed his gucci sweat suit and jumped in the river where he did a handstand, exposing his ass, legs reaching up to the sky. He removed one hand from the ocean floor and held it to darwin’s leg, where he used sign language to communicate “I think you may find one of Professor’s balls in there.”  
“I feel like Hellen Keller” sighed Darwin. He was about to dive in when suddenly, from the nearby woods emerged Kottak.   
“What!” Cried Kottak. “My two lovers, both cheating on me, with each other? I need to go mutilate my genitals. “   
Just then, another person walked out of the distance. From afar he looked like the Lord Jesus Christ, but they knew it was probably a man named Bruce.   
“My child!” Both Darwin and Kottak and Boas yelled together. Shock and fart smelled the air. Darwin had let loose again. Little did Bruce know he was the love child of the aggressive threesome between the 3 anthropology-crossed lovers  
Suddenly the glooscap giant beaver burst out of the woods. And did he ever have a giant beaver himself if you know what i mean. DAMN. (get the pun)  
Boas pointed at it and said “That’s my gender identity”  
Then Professor emerged from the river where she had been scuba diving trying to swim her way to Yemen.   
“Guys, stop” she said “I feel like you’re all being really ethnocentric and racist and stupid and WHITE right now. We need to decolonize”  
So Kottak got naked. “Why did you do that?” asked Professor  
“Did you say decolonize?” said Kottak. “I thought you said de-clothing-ize”  
“Vagina!” Yelled Boas. Everyone stared at him rudely. “Sorry” he apologized. “That was my tourrettes”  
Just then Kottak freezes. He becomes silent, he turns to Boas and whispers in his ear “I want to give you buffalo head while we listen to Jackson 2 Bears”   
The three men began having a graphic and nasty sexual experience in the middle of the lake. Bruce, who was still there, said “I’m so glad my parents are getting along now” and then he ascended to the heavens like the lord himself  
Darwin froze and gazed into Kottak’s eyes “I want to rebirth with you”, “I want to be in the womb with you and we will enter this world together” “I want you to tell me about your dreams”  
“Ha ha and then what ;)” Kottak said “then we smash until we can see the Yemen sunrise”.

And then Professor woke up. It was all a dream she had after taking acid in Yemen.


End file.
